Growing your hair out could give you an entirely different personality.
Whether it be due to a midlife crisis, some requirements for a job, or just because you simply don’t like having short hair, the more length your hair gets on the top of your head, the more your personality changes.
That can be said for almost every SEC coach as well. The month of July has given us some classic Twitter moments, but this SEC coaches graphic where they all have flowing hair might be near the top.
If SEC coaches grew their hair out pic.twitter.com/xdedCFPAQ0— Brooks Carter (@BrooksACarter) July 14, 2023
So what we’re going to do is analyze each one, and tell you what they would do for a living if they had the flowing locs.
Nick Saban: football coach
Surprise! You could change anything about Nick Saban’s appearance outside of his facial structure and I will continue to say, “yeah, that’s a ball coach.”
Kirby Smart: Karate coach
He teaches kids the way of Wing Chun, but is unafraid of karate chopping your eight-year old in the throat if he doesn’t say “yes sir”.
Shane Beamer: a MENACE to single mothers or nearly broken relationships
He’s known in both the Destin and Hilton Head areas. You might not know exactly what he does for a living but the moment your relationship with your partner is on the rocks Beamer is taking her to the local Chilis for a 3 for $10.
Lane Kiffin: Hannah Montana’s brother, Bucky Kentucky
Look man the first thing I thought of when I saw Kiffin with hair was Jason Earles so we’re gonna stick with that.
Josh Heupel: Knoxville-area Guthries manager, avid Toto fan
You can find him jamming out to “Rosanna” in his 2009 Honda Accord during his break times, just to unwind.
Brian Kelly: A Soulless Ryan Brother
God gave Rex and Rob all the charisma, he gave Brian heartburn.
Billy Napier: Bass guitarist for Jim Irsay’s band
On days when he’s not touring with Irsay, he’s a guitar tutor who gets paid in Natty Lights.
Jimbo Fisher: Extremely divorced
“She took the kids, Bobby. She took the kids.”
Hugh Freeze: Late TNA/NJPW era/early WWE era AJ Styles
You know he used to have CLASSICS with Samoa Joe and Christopher Daniels.
Mark Stoops: owner of a local family owned restaurant
Look the health ratings might not be the best but he makes a MEAN sweet potato casserole.
Sam Pittman: Barbecue contest judge
He also sells his barbecue sauce at these contests, which is absolutely delicious.
Zach Arnett: if Jesus was British
You cannot tell me that he doesn’t look like if the creators of Wallace and Gromit made a movie about the life and times of Jesus Christ.
Eli Drinkwitz: Eli Gemstone’s illegitimate son
He just looks like a Gemstone, man. Like they have him doing cleanup after services so nobody sees him.
Clark Lea: the most annoying surfer of all time
He can’t wait to tell you about the gnarly wave he hit a few days ago in Hawaii.
Steve Sarkisian: lead singer of a cover band
They do KISS covers, but only the pre-face paint era of KISS.
Brent Venables: former NASCAR driver, current auto mechanic
He and Richard Petty used to go to WAR at Talledega Speedway.
And now, a few extras, just because we can’t leave some out.
Ryan Day: Rob Ryan’s Wario
His entire personality is based off Nicolas Cage in Con Air.
Mike Leach: a pirate
This is the most pirate ass pirate that ever pirated. Captain Leach used to travel the coasts of Trinidad and Tobago, plundering for gold and writing everything he sees in a journal. RIP Mike Leach.
Dan Mullen: youth baseball coach who gets FAR too animated
He also has a son on the team named Trevor, who plays shortstop but actually just wants to play video games but dammit Dan won’t stop making him field ground balls after school.
Bryan Harsin: FORMER menace to single mothers and broken relationships
Harsin used to run with Shane Beamer back in the day, but has since settled down and started a family...so we think.
Mike Gundy: local Santa Claus at Piggly Wiggly
He just wants to get his shift over so he can get back to watching his television programs.
James Franklin: pastor who gets very animated
When that Holy Spirit gets him going he’s hard to stop.